so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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