do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
