Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
