I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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