I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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