Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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