I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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