No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She bit a glass in half.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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