so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
