Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
