ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize