i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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