I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
