ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
