Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
