dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
