THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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