Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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