I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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