after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
