Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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