Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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