I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
