Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
