Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
