If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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