doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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