I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
