He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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