i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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