I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize