they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
