I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
