well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
