My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
