I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
