Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
