I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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