But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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