His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
