omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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