I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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