I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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