You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
