i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
