Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
