pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
