Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
