It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
