im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
