Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
