Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
