People with herpes should wear stickers.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
