Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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