I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
