you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
