You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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