What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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