he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
