I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
