I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
