I'm sorry my penis didn't work
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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