We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
