so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
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