Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
