The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
