Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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