i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
