he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
