yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
