do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
