and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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