hell yes lets make some ravioli
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Houston, we have a blender
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
