Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
