Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize