Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
