My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
