he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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