Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
