My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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