i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
