Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
