Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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