Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm like, not good at living.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
