Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
