Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
