So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
