nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
