So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
