If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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