Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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