You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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