apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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