I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think people are normalizing furries
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
