I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
The air taste purple.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
