just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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