his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
