So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
