it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I have aggressive nipples.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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