bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
