i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i think i have herpe
just one?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
