thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
