So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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