I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
