It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
worst night to have a conscience
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
