12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
