Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
