She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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