If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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