5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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