i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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