Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
